•ρ• How Do I Live?

You can not imagine the desperate solitude of my soul…
Your mind would collapse under the strain if you even tried.

•ρ• Adolesc

The time spent in the silence between heartbeats
reminds me of the pain I once felt for myself
at the rejection from a girl.

•ρ• Infinite Fluxe

A mindstorm of numbness surrounds my head.
I feel like my world is already dead.

•ρ• Tirade

WARNING: This poem includes adult language which may offend sensitive readers. If you are under 17 years of age or easily take offense at open discussions containing mature, adult language please do not click the “View full article” link below. For more information, please refer to the “tags” listed below…

•ρ• Time Father-Spent

An era of separation divided the second son from his father:
Fourteen years of silence, solitude.
Sudden need propelled me to visit the center for correction,
The place where:
            He re-established his self as the man he was in his youth,
            The evil of narcotics and alcohol were banished from his soul,
            Memories were lost with every blow of the guard’s booted foot;
A place of sorrow and remorse where
            Many are corrected and many enslaved for life.

•ρ• Aspirin

Pain is life and I live in extreme pleasure within my imaginary world.
A place of gloom and death provides the desires for more.

•ρ• manIpulAtion

WARNING: This poem includes explicit adult language which will offend sensitive readers. If you are under 17 years of age or easily take offense at open discussions about violence, adult language, and sexual references, please do not click the “View full article” link below.

•ρ• Ruthless Decay

Image by Sir Mildred Pierce via Flickr

Dripping ooze so red,
Won’t you feed my tears
With pulsing ears
And undead eyes
As I am over now.

Silent death come here,
Flood my soul with you
Drink my life
And give me hell
For heaven’s much too sad.

Tear my flesh apart,
Take my world away
As nothing lasts
Nor means a thing
In my bloodless heart.

•ρ• Dark Blood

The coldness in my soulless body
Throbs once in every while.

•ρ• Burne

Image via Wikipedia

Blistering sunlight
Searing the flesh from my bones.
Summer rays of heat…

___________________________

•ρ• Visiting My Father

The evil hand of my father flew through the air,
landing harshly on my scarred and reddened flesh.

•ρ• Aipotu

There is a place
Somewhere between Love & Hate,
Pain & ecstasy,
War & peace.

•ρ• Sisylana

Image by xalamay via Flickr

WARNING: This poem contains adult language which may offend sensitive readers. If you are under 17 years of age or easily take offense at language that is meant to shock, please do not click the “View full article” link below.

•ρ• Me

Image via Wikipedia

The mind I lost centuries ago
Predominates my existence today.

•ρ• Ode to the Rain

Rain, rain, rain
More rain.

•ρ• This, My Fate

Chaos and anarchy rule my life today.
For me, there has never been any other way.
Have you not seen
Where I have been?
Do you believe the words that I say?
.
Hatred and fear pulsate through my veins.
As my heart cries out from all the world’s pains,
A tear falls from my eye.
Another bird falls from the sky,
Killed by the pollution and the acid rains.
.
Must I live in this place any longer,
Where greed gets fed more often than hunger
While children are beat
In the raging heat
Of their parent’s or a stranger’s temper?
.
The path that once I did follow many years
Grows ever more dim as I wade through the tears
That have fallen from my
Calloused face to purify
And wash away all the world’s countless fears.
.
Yet the chaos remains inside my petrified soul
For something essential that would make me whole
Has been gone
For so long
That my unjust existence is ever-more out of control.
.
Ever-more am I sifting the infinite sands of anarchy,
Seeking out an enigmatic sliver from all reality,
Hoping to find
That part of my mind
Which would free my soul from the venomous fate that awaits me.

___________________________

Insight:

 Written in late January 1997, this poem reflected on the realities I was living through, observing, and the contemplation of the fate which awaits me… I was lost and depressed, as usual, and wanted to follow a more standard form for this poem than a free-write or prose style.

At that time of my life, I was residing in a homeless shelter. I had spent the majority of my fall and winter taking ice-cold showers from a tap that had no water pressure, fighting off the religious fanatics who insisted I listen to them plead for me to save my immortal soul from damnation, and riding my bike 6 miles to attend classes at my local community college, Carl Sandburg College (CSC).

The deal was, to be kept warm and provided food and clothing, the shelter insisted that all residents attend chapel services at 6am every morning. However, as my classes at CSC began at 7am and I needed to leave the shelter before chapel even began in order to make it safely to the college campus. Thus, I defied and denied the satisfaction of the religious fanatics who ran the shelter by insisting on not attending chapel so that I could better myself in order to get out of the precarious situation in which I had found myself.

Eventually, I did find a way out of the shelter and moved to the suburbs of Chicago, got a job, and have not had the misfortune to get stuck in Galesburg ever again.

•ρ• Care?

Look into my eyes…
What do you see?
Can you feel what I feel?
Do you know my pain?
Can you sense my need?

•ρ• Never To Be Continued…

Sometimes I wish it was all over!
My core is filled with foreboding and grief
My mind throbs like the bass beat of a song
I am in shock, despair, and utter disbelief…

•ρ• Defiance

Why should I have to swallow my sorrow?
Why should I need to run away from
All my dreams?

•ρ• Adventure

I want to find the edges of reality,
Defy the laws of gravity,
Jump off the cliffs of insanity,
Change every aspect of my personality…